mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
