I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
smell my finger.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
