the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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