you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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