I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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