I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
