I molested 6 butterflies tonight
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm like, not good at living.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize