i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
