i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
