DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
