I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
