The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
