And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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