You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
