I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
