just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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