your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
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