I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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