Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
