his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize