omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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