so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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