During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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