My cat gives me a boner
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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