Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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