Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
