so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
