i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
