My sheets look like a crime scene.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize