The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
did i walk over a car last night?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
