All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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