sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
