I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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