I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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