I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
