If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
