If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Randomize
