He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
