you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
