the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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