I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Sober January is a disaster.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
And then he peed in my hair
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