I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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