Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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