Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
