mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
