i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
