dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Randomize
