mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
