I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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