He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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