i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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