I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My penis needs a shock collar
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
