I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
