I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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