Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
