This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
