my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
