I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
