did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
we're so committed to being not committed
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
