I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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