gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
