there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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