He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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