he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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