im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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