when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
