We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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