The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
vagina is talking i cant
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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