Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
