we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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